Blue

[Warning...depressing post ahead...I'll post other stuff with pictures that are not so depressing to make up for it!...]

It has been difficult to find any sort of inspiration to blog lately. I don't know if it's the post holiday blues, the winter blues or if I'm just plain blue. The weather has been either nice or nasty, but mostly nasty. (FYI, "Nasty" is Lana's new favorite word. You should hear her say it. It's hilarious.) I had been all excited about doing Valentine Cards for everyone this year instead of Christmas cards. Then January came and everyone got sick. Then we got better. Then round two came. We are finally back in the "better" category but I'm sure not for long. So I apologize to everyone who was looking forward to a witty card from us. Maybe next year. No promises though.

Cope's due date has come and gone. I anticipated the day to be emotional and sad, and I was but it was a good emotional/sad day. I am still sad and I'm sure I will always be sad but it's a good sad. It's a healing sad. I know I don't make sense but I don't know how to put it any other way.

It seems that I hear more and more of friends losing babies. A friend posted on facebook today about how she found out her baby has a congenital heart defect at her 20 week appointment and was not given a good prognosis. How heart breaking! The emotions of losing a child are intense, but the anticipation of it? I cannot imagine having to process that. I think my saving grace was when Paul, Lana and Tanner walked through the door to my hospital room. My brain registered that I had a family that needed me and I had two kids that I needed to keep it together for. I could not allow myself to fall apart for their sakes. I love my kids all the more and try to enjoy the time I have with them right now. I hope that my friend can find her saving grace especially since it's her first baby. It's a devastating place to be and not an easy place to climb out of.